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Saturday, 03 January 2009

  • The World Turns

    I don't own a television. I don't plan on owning a television anytime soon. Television is a medium that requires no interaction and rarely offers opportunity for it, and thus does little to hold my interest. To get an idea of how boring I find it, just think of listening to me talk about particle physics (not theoretical, but proven) for an hour at a time. Or, if you're into particle physics, imagine we're instead talking about color theory for that time. (If neither bores you, I must say that your wide array of interests makes it difficult to find an appropriate analogy.) I am a hands-on kind of guy, and would much rather participate in pretty much in activity than simply watch, especially with friendships... which sounds like it should be a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised if you paid attention how many "friends" are really just acquaintances that pretend they care.

    But lately, I feel like I'm living in a TV show. Like I'm being paid to do what I'm scripted to do, whether I like it or not. Like I have to stick to the plan... or I suppose I could ad lib, but everyone else would simply give me disapproving looks and recite their lines as if they didn't notice my "mistake."

    I'm not really a non-confrontational person. If I see something happening that shouldn't be, I do what I can to fix things. But what about things I just don't like? How can I justify going to a friend and saying, "I dislike this and that thing you're doing because my personality is different than yours?" I don't really feel that I can... but at the same time, I don't really feel like I should have to refrain. Perhaps I am overextending the Golden Rule... "Do unto others and then they must do unto you." But, if I were doing something that a friend found offensive, I would want them to tell me so I could stop. Can I not expect the same from them?

    And even if I can expect the same, would it be wrong to do so? My opinion is that it's not, but that's only my opinion, I think.

    Tune in next week, when we reveal Asher's secret identity as Misery Man!

Friday, 05 December 2008

  • My complaint about life right now

    I miss having that person who sees life so differently from the way I do that we never run out of things to show each other about the world and God's work in it. I miss that relationship of spending time with each other just because each finds the other so darned interesting that they can't get enough. I miss talking to someone every day and having something to show them, and them having something to show me about the very same topic. I miss having that person who can just sit for hours in the coffee shop or the park or the nearest lobby and talk with me about everything under the sun. I miss having that same person to work with so perfectly because we are different enough to balance each other, but same in all the ways that we must be to get along.

    I've been trying to figure out Genesis 2:18 for a while now. Don't look it up, I'll repeat it again for good (long-expired?) measure: "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone," NIV.
    Alone? Adam had God. How in the world did this count as alone? And yes, many Christians would have you believe that God is all you need to be complete. Well, according to God himself, no. Which is, of course, what has had me so confused all these months.

    But I think I have it figured out. The secret, I think, lies in a well-known but little thought-of verse in the Old Testament: Psalm 23:5, "... my cup overflows."

    See, here's the thing: no creature that glorifies God is alone. The angels constantly repeat to each other praise for God. Even the universe he created is not a number of individual testaments to his majesty, but an unimaginably complex system, interconnected in ways that even our best understanding of science cannot explain. So why should man be any different?

    So, he made two of them. And he made them different, "male and female," such that they understand him in different ways. Thus, man could teach woman about the aspects of God of which he was aware, and woman could do the same for man. Perhaps it was not so vital before the fall, when God walked in the garden with them and they were yet uncorrupted by sin, but it is vital now at any rate. Why? Because no human can "hold" all of God. We, imperfect, cannot fully comprehend God... he can only reveal a portion of his glory to us, or our minds would just explode with his greatness. As David put it, the cup is too small.

    So, what happens when someone "fills up" with God? Well, if you take this image and run with it, there are two options: either God can stop pouring himself into that person, and the wine of the knowledge of him sits and stagnates; or, he continues pouring newness into them, and the cup overflows. But if the cup overflows, where does the excess go? Either wasted on the ground, or into another cup.

    And that other cup, that other soul, is what I pine for these days.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

  • Yes, you too.

    OK, so maybe I did word things poorly. I apologize for the lack of clarity. I didn't mean to offend either of you, and I didn't mean to seem to be trying to intrude in any way. I just wanted you to know that I care. Is that something a friend shouldn't do? And yes, I am your friend too. If your room caught fire and everything inside was destroyed, I'd give you half my clothes and my extra bed for as long as you needed it. Why? Because we're about the same size, and I am your friend. If someone hacked your bank account and meal plan and you had no way to eat, I'd offer to feed you until you could make other arrangements. Why? Because I'm your friend. If we were in a crashing airplane and there were only one parachute left for the two of us, I'd strap it on you, wish you a great life, and push you out the door. Why? Because I'm your friend.

    Forget everyone else, and yes I do mean everyone. I am talking to you, because despite the insanity of it, you matter. There are no longer two steps from me to you, but one, and that means you get the same privileges as the rest.

    And if that creeps you out too, then well... I'm sorry.

Saturday, 22 November 2008

  • I dream even when awake: Shreds of hope and threadbare sanity.

    I still want to be your friend, even if you don't want to be mine. I don't care who you meet or what you do or whether you even like me enough to give me a glance or a single word of acknowledgment: I will always be there for you. This is a love you may never understand; and the fear that you will never know it breaks my heart.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    22nd Nov. 2008 0529
      Whenever I imagine the metajourney of my life, the spiritual or otherwise non-physical path I walk... it's just that: a path. I imagine myself sitting or pausing only long enough to enjoy the view, take a deep breath, and continue on my way. I don't see myself as ever settling down, but always forging ahead to God-knows-where. Always in the wilderness, always alone but for God and his creation. And never supplied. As God sent ravens to Elijah to feed him, so he brings to me that which I need in its time... Or, he takes me to it.
      But alone, God? This world is so beautiful in your hands, but I feel as if I am the only one who sees it. May I take another along, just one other to share in this glory? I might, but you ask not. You I love above all others, but I do not understand you. Nor do I understand this waiting. Shall I be judged for my disobedience when I know not your will?
      Holy, unblamable, unreproveable.
      It is not good for man to be alone, yet here I am, lost and desperate. My heart aches for another. Is this the ghost pain of that which I have lost? Or the pain of a distance so near to being bridged, yet so far from my knowledge of your will?
      Grant my heart's desire, oh Lord, if it be your will. Bring me to one whom to hold and love and rejoice in your handiwork. Ease my spirit, and let all I do be for your glory and honor. Guide my feet and lift me up by your grace.

    ------------------------------------------

    God, this world is broken. You sent your son to mend the wounds, and he put the work into my hands. But am I yet broken, even in your hand? There is no strength left in me, yet if I stop here all is surely lost; gain will be made loss, teaching made burden. Am I meant to live in these ruins? Am I meant to live in this desert?

    ------------------------------------------------

    Four men had sat on this wall. Three were gone, spirited away by the cold rain as they each abandoned their safety, seeking out their own doomed means. One remained, protected by the shelter of the living tree above him. He knew his safety, and nevertheless was restless. He alone knew life in this protection, and his heart broke for those who trudged through the cold. But how to tell them, when they were so far away? It would cost him his life, to leave the canopy and walk out to them.
    A noble death if ever there were one, he decided. Teardrops mixed with raindrops as he plunged into the storm...

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why do you do this to me? I have given you everything I can afford to give, and now even as I continue to love you, you strike out to wound me, without even the mercy to kill. How have I ever deserved this from you? Since the day we met I have been the best to you that I know how, indeed sacrificing greatly of myself for your sake. Where have I gone wrong, that you would be so quick to lash at me? Why are you so quick to see evil in me, when all I have ever wanted for you is good?

    ------------------------------------------

    The sun always sets eventually, but at least there is peace in the night.

Thursday, 02 October 2008

  • A mile, and then what?

    To my dear Joanna:
    Thank you for reminding me that
    I am not the point.

    I was pondering an old saying the other day. "Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes." Meaning, you cannot rightfully pass judgment on one whose circumstances have not tested you and found you better than they. Even then, I would argue that each circumstance tries each person differently, so even if you've gone through the same things they have, you cannot judge their inferiority (or superiority, for that matter) by their reactions; the best you can do is learn from that in which they excel, and advise them in that which they lack.

    This applies to all mortal, sinful persons. But what of the immortal and sinless? Of course I speak of God himself, especially concerning his time here on Earth in for the form of a man, Jesus the Christ. In that state he experienced all the trials which I do, yet he never once acted against any man or against God. Having suffered every test and passing all without fault, he of all beings should have the ultimate right, and according to many the ultimate obligation, to judge all of us who have failed so miserably in every aspect!

    This is where the amazing love of God is best revealed, in his final verdict concerning mankind. Where the decision of a man would be to condemn the sinners for their faults, Jesus, having done right in every way in which we have all done wrong, has not only chosen not to condemn us, but indeed taken upon himself the burden of being our advocate against the just wages of our sins.

    Have you ever considered this? It was fully within his rights to leave the world having served as an example of perfection and watch as we failed to meet that example. His loving choice, though, was to take what he had now experienced for himself and to do something about it. He saw our helplessness and sacrificed himself to provide help, despite the plain fact that we are undeserving of such a gift.

    Consider those who have hurt you: are you blinded by your own pain as you lash out against them in return, or can you sacrifice your chance at revenge to see their hurting heart and help them in whichever ways you are able? Are you able to make yourself less important than them, for the good of everyone? Or will you continue to be puffed up and think yourself better than they are, despite your own sin?

    You have heard that it has been said, "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:" But I say to you, do not recompense evil: but whoever smites you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if a man sues you in a court of law and takes your coat, let him have your cloak also; and whoever compels you to go a mile, go with him two miles. - Matthew 5: 38-41

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KashMC

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    • State: Texas
    • Metro: Amarillo
    • Birthday: 6/3/1988
    • Member Since: 8/8/2004

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  • "I don't remember the past, and so I do not understand the present and cannot predict the future. I live each moment as if it were my first, and as if it might be my last. Though, I tend to avoid allowing the latter to happen, when possible." - Asher

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